This past Valentine’s Day you received a phone call from someone that still loves you. This call was not from your ex, but instead, it was from your ex’s mother! After 5 years together you two decided to call it quits. Yet still, over two years later, your ex’s mother is still calling you on Valentine’s Day, Christmas, and even on your birthday. How sweet, right? Not really. It’s a little bittersweet, don’t you think?
Breaking up the Family (Sort of?)
You and your ex broke up right before Thanksgiving because you both knew it was over and could not bear faking it during an entire holiday season. So you decided to be adults about it rather than save face in front of the family. But what you didn’t prepare for was how your family was going to take the news of your break up. You told your mother and she took it pretty well (telling you, I knew it!”), because she felt that your ex needed to grow up and that you had evolved past your relationship with him. and of course her daughter deserves a better man.
But your ex’s mother did not take it well. She felt like she had lost the daughter of her dreams. And the truth is you do feel like you lost a second mother. After all, you did cultivate a great relationship with her as well as with her daughter and nieces. You became like family (except you’re not). So what do you when you love your ex’s family, but you want to continue to move on in love?
Learn to Love Your Ignore Button
When (or if) you’re feeling down for whatever reason, do not take calls from his mother or anyone else related to him. I know you had a long history with him. But if you talk to anyone related to your ex you risk the chance of them hyping you up to get back with him (if he’s single). Or worse! They could tell him how depressed you are and maybe elaborate (or exaggerate) that you miss him and that he should give you a call. Nobody wants that kind of bad love press after over 2 years of being apart. Be sure to put your emotional well-being first. Ignoring a call is not the end of the world.
Take Calls With Caution
However, if you choose to take calls from your ex’s family (specifically his mother), make sure that you’re in a good mood and do your best to stay at positive. Focus on asking how she’s doing and what’s new in her life, rather than dodging questions about your love status. Do your best to keep the details about your love life to a minimum. For example, if she asks about it, say “yes, I am seeing someone special or a very special man found me” y ya. Feel free to share your current accomplishments or if you’ve been traveling and anything feel she may enjoy doing. It is always great to show people that you are productive. Remember, when she mentions that your ex is doing well (and she will), say “good for him, I am happy to hear that”. Just understand that she wanted the best kind of woman for her son and that was (and still is you). But you have moved on because he was not the best man for you (and that’s ok).
No Bad Press For The EX
If you are still hanging out with his cousins and his sister(s), then you definitely need to start breaking away from them. “Lisa, I know I met them through my ex, but they’re my girls now”. Ok, but understand they are his direct channel to your personal business. Everything from the guys you met last night to any first dates or even breakups. As I said, don’t create bad love press for yourself (and an all-access pass into your life for your ex). If you want to stay connected to his cousins and sister, then you need to spend time with these girls when you’re not looking to meet men. Stick to coffee, Brunch or the movies, etc. If they really care about you, then they should be able to understand and respect your decision. Isn’t that what our girls do? Regardless, it’s time to make some new girlfriends.
Let Go Let Flow
I say this with love. No matter how bad the guilt trip is (naturally, given by his mother), stay away from his family parties! This is by far the worst thing you can do, so when you get the invitations (and I am sure that you do) graciously decline and be sure to mention that you already have plans. Remember, they are his family, not yours.
In the end, what you want is to move on in love, so understand that eventually, you are going to have to cut these close ties to his family. Ask yourself this, would you want your new love to make his last love’s family a priority? And take you to her family parties? Hell no! Because you will never move on if you let the last man occupy that space in your heart meant for the love of your life.
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